The Real Reason You Keep Fighting (It’s Not What You Think)

The real reason you keep fighting isn’t what you think.

You might assume your arguments are about money, chores, or who didn’t text back. But those surface-level issues are rarely the true problem.

Underneath every fight is an emotion that hasn’t been named—or heard.

When your partner forgets something, maybe you don’t just feel annoyed. Maybe you feel unimportant. When they interrupt, maybe you feel unheard. And when those deeper emotions go unacknowledged, they show up as anger, criticism, or silence.

Here’s the shift that changes everything: Most fights aren’t about the conflict—they’re about the emotional pain underneath it.

Let me show you what that looks like:

• “You never listen to me.” → “I feel unimportant, and that hurts.”
• “Why don’t you help more around the house?” → “I feel overwhelmed and alone. I need support.”

This simple shift—tuning into what you really feel—can completely change how your arguments unfold. Because when you understand your emotional triggers, you can ask for what you truly need, instead of reacting out of pain.

But here’s the truth: You can’t express what you haven’t identified!